


This lack of self-control I fear is never ending

by YunaDragneel



Series: Remember me as I was not as I am [2]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Body Horror, Bruce isn't a good dad because he still wasn't able to completely cope with everything that happened, Damian Wayne is the Cat, Family Issues, Hinted at traumatic events, M/M, Smut - Shower Sex, depressed character, self-image issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 02:03:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5398748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YunaDragneel/pseuds/YunaDragneel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tim might have been better off not telling the family Damian was still alive. He wouldn't have had to deal with the issues that came next.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This lack of self-control I fear is never ending

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TimmyJaybird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimmyJaybird/gifts).



> It took me a while until I was able to finally finish this part. I quite liked how it turned out and I hope y'all like it too!

When Tim was aware of his surroundings again, he noticed that he was in an apartment. It was on the small side, but through the windows came rays of sunlight. Curled up at the foot of the bed was the cat – Damian Wayne. Tim sat up slowly, looking at the sleeping Damian. The movements made him stir a little, but he didn’t actually wake up, which the older man was glad about. It was good to see him in normal clothes, not the cat outfit. He wore a loose black tanktop and some grey sweatpants, something Tim had never really seen him wear, but it worked for him. There was a bandage around his throat, something he wasn’t sure what to think of. He reached out for him, brushing his fingers over Damian’s cheek, pushing his hair back a little. His eyes fluttered, slowly waking up, jade eyes looking up at Tim. And his face broke into a smile.

“You are awake pretty bird,” he muttered, still a little sleepy, “I was worried when you did not come to after I brought you here.”

“How long…” Tim cleared his voice, his throat hurting. “How long was I out?”

“Two days. Some… bats were looking for you.” Damian seemed hesitant to talk about it. Slowly he sat up, and Tim dropped his hand in his lap, brows furrowing.

“Who?” No one had been in town, so no one should have noticed anything.

“The Batman himself and the… Red Hood?” Damian stared at the bed, thinking a bit. That’s when Tim took a closer look and saw the bruises and cuts on Damian’s arms.

“Dami─ Dami you’re hurt,” Tim croaked out. Drowning was a bitch on the throat and Tim coughed. Damian shushed him, scooting a little closer to his side and holding Tim against his chest.

“Pretty bird, hush,” he soothed, nuzzling Tim’s hair, “I am alright. This is nothing more than a few scratches.” Tim breathed heavily when his coughing fit subsided. Damian rubbed his back gently, muttering words in Arabic to him.

“Just… treat your wounds please,” Tim rasped, clinging onto the younger male.

“First I will get you something to drink and to eat, then I will treat my wounds,” he responded, kissing the top of Tim’s hair. The strange affection was spreading through his chest. Whenever he had seen the pretty Red Robin, the feeling came back. It was foreign, not really his own, but what was there he could call his own? He wasn’t the person he was once. But he didn’t remember anything.

“What are you thinking?” Tim asked softly, looking up at Damian.

“I─ What was the name you called me?”

“Damian… that’s your name.” The knot in Damian’s stomach tightened. It was strange. This man calling his name hurt and yet at the same time it felt so infuriatingly good.

“I do not understand… It feels so familiar. It pains and yet it feels so good,” Damian whispered. “It confuses me.” Tim straightened up and held Damian’s face between his hands, leaning their foreheads together.

“It’s okay. I don’t know what happened to you during all those years you were gone, but…” Tim trailed off, taking a deep breath. “I’m─ I’m so happy you’re back. I missed you. I missed you so much.” Damian’s hands had rested on his lap until now, but he reached up and covered Tim’s with his own.

“Pretty bird, tell me your name. I do beg of you to tell me about who I used to be and how I knew you.” Tim could see Damian struggling to get the words out right and before thinking it through, he pressed his lips to Damian’s. It was a soft, short kiss. But it contained all the affection he felt for him.

“My name is Timothy Drake, but everyone calls me Tim,” he explained, “You’re my… adoptive brother, but we never really got along. At least we tried to kill each other a few times. Things calmed down eventually but… I still lost you.” Tim bit his lip.

“Tim…” Damian muttered his name, chanting it like a prayer. “I see… being your adoptive brother was not easy I presume.” He waited a bit, then spoke up again. “Before we continue talking, I will get you something to eat and drink. I will be back in a few moments.” He pulled away, leaving the room.

“Yeah, okay.” Tim just looked after him. This Damian was so different. He didn’t want to know what Damian had gone through, and yet. It was a necessity to know so he could help accordingly. “I’m so stupid.” Tim buried his face in his hands. “I should put an end to this… romance or whatever.” It felt wrong to Tim. Damian wasn’t in his right mind. He wasn’t the Damian he grew to love and cherish. It just wasn’t him. But strangely enough this was still the same Damian. He hated that whoever did this to him, took  _Damian_ from them. From Bruce─ Shit. Damian returned to the room with an Omelet and a bottle of water, frowning at him.

“Are you alright pretty bird?” He asked, setting the things down on the nightstand before sitting down beside him on the bed.

“You said… You said Batman was looking for me,” Tim began, stuttering a little, “Did he say something to you?” He looked at the younger man who stared at him with a little bit of apprehension. Then he lifted his shirt a little a big bruise the form and size of a fist bloomed in a dark purple color. Tim’s hands trembled as he touched the bruise gently, Damian hissing in pain and the cold fingers.

“He didn’t say anything in particular,” Damian muttered, “He just. Fought.” Tim’s trembling wasn’t to be overlooked and he wanted to reach out so badly, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t assure Tim that he was alright.

“This is not the only bruise, is it?” Tim chewed on his lip as Damian shook his head. He pushed the younger man’s shirt more and his whole abdomen was covered in dark bruises. Damian looked away. “Damian why didn’t you tell me? I… god. I can’t lose you again.”

“I’m sorry, pretty bird.” He leaned down and kissed Tim with slow even movements of his lips. It irked Tim a little, that Damian seemed to have so much experience with kissing and he figured it was from his new… persona. They broke apart, Damian smiling softly. “I did not mean to worry you, Tim.” The name still felt foreign on his tongue as he spoke, but it wasn’t bad.

“It’s okay,” Tim muttered and Damian turned to get the food from the nightstand and gave it to Tim, who gladly accepted it. “Thanks.” And he began eating, Damian watching him fondly.

 *

Later that night Tim suited up in his Red Robin uniform after having inspected it for potential damages. Luckily there were none. Damian seemed glued to him, barely leaving his side or touching his hand or something. It was weird, but pleasant. Though now they had to go out as Red Robin and Cat. The younger male pulled up the hood and concealed his face in his scarf.

“Will… Will I see you again, pretty bird?” He asked, biting his lip a little as he watched Tim. The Red Robin looked back at him a soft smile on his face.

“Of course, Damian,” he replied, “I’ll come back for you.” Damian closed the gap between them, softly kissing Tim and holding him close. Tim’s arms snaked around his neck, deepening the kiss. Damn Damian and his height.

“We should get going pretty bird,” Damian smiled when he pulled back and Tim nodded. Then they were off into the night.

 *

Tim ran into little trouble throughout his time flying over Gotham. He’d caught a glimpse of the Cat but there wasn’t much to do. He waited on a roof, letting his legs dangle over the edge. A sudden thump of boots made him look back. Dark Kevlar, a cape. Batman. And close behind was the Red Hood.

“Red!” Jason yelled, he sounded glad and it was strange. Tim just nodded at them.

“Hello Hood, Batman,” Tim greeted, he tipped his head a bit.

“Where were you?” Bruce asked, his voice all professional and Tim found himself shivering. That meant trouble.

“Almost dying, thanks.” Tim didn’t mean to make it sound sarcastic, but oh boy. He was still fed up that Damian got hurt because Bruce wasn’t thinking clearly.

“Did the cat hurt you?” Jason asked, his fingers playing at the holster of his guns. He was angry, or at least… concerned.

“He actually rescued me from dying and took care of me,” Tim responded and got up, walking over to Bruce and Jason. He felt estranged, unwanted. Unsafe. It was irrational, but he truly felt like this. He wanted Damian here. “I almost drowned in Gotham Bay and he rescued and took care of me. Bruce, I know him.” Breach of protocol. Tim almost felt ashamed. Almost.

“You feel like you do from what you told me,” Batman responded, his voice cold, “Because he reminds you of Damian.”

“He doesn’t remind me. He  _is_ Damian.” Jason took an audible breath and Bruce tensed. Steeled himself.

“Babybird, you’re probably confused. The hellspawn is dead. Has been dead for the past three years,” Jason growled, fists clenching, “You have to let go─”

“No. Listen to me, he is alive!” Tim was getting desperate. His instincts told him to just run. To get away because this was thin ice. And he felt it cracking beneath him.

“Tim, stop.”

“Why won’t you just listen to me!? I knew that you were alive, Bruce! When you were presumably dead I knew you weren’t! And look at that you’re alive,” Tim yelled, “I know that the cat is Damian. I’ve seen him without domino mask and hood!” And suddenly Tim’s cheek stung and he fell onto the ground.

“You need to stop this now. Tim you’re living in a fantasy.” Bruce gave him a famous batglare and Tim knew the ice broke beneath him. A hiss behind him made him flinch.

“Fuck you, Bats!” The voice spat and Tim turned to see the cat, glaring at Batman, who stared back with an equally cold gaze.

“So you’re following Red Robin around,” Jason growled taking his guns and aiming at Damian who stepped in front of Tim, who then got up.

“Dami, let’s leave, please,” Tim muttered, knowing he could hear him, “We don’t need to fight.” Damian turned to him, looking at the bruise that was forming on his cheek. The younger male caressed his cheek, Tim flinched at the initial pain.

“No, pretty bird. He hurt you, now I will hurt him,” he growled, turning back to Batman, taking his sword in hand, leaping forward, but Batman easily deflected him. Jason wanted to jump into the fray, but Tim pounced on him, crashing to the ground with him.

“Don’t hurt Damian,” Tim begged, “Please.” He fisted his hands in the fabric of Jason’s jacket. “Believe me, Jason. It’s him.” Jason bit his lip. Tim’s face was earnest, he meant it and Jason couldn’t find it in him to disagree.

“Okay.” It was small agreement, but it was enough for Tim. A sharp cry brought Tim back to the fight, Batman had twisted Damian’s arm behind his back. Damian hissed, trying to get away from the hold, but Bruce didn’t let go, pushed his arm higher.

“Let me go, Batman!” Bruce flinched, letting go of the Batman-persona in that movement. He sounded just like Damian. Restraining him with a painful grip, Bruce tore the hood from his head, loosening the scarf as well and revealing his face. He grabbed it roughly, twisted him so he looked at him. Damian tried to remove himself from his grip, but only ended up hurting himself more.

“Why do you have his face?” Bruce interrogated, keeping Damian forced to look at him.

“Who?” Damian pressed through his teeth, wanting to move his head away, but Bruce yanked him back, making Damian groan in pain.

“Batman stop!” Tim yelled,  _pleaded_. “It’s Damian! It really is him!” Bruce toppled the cat to the ground, pressing his face into the concrete and kneeling on his back to keep him down.

“Don’t interfere, Red Robin,” Bruce replied only, digging his knee further into Damian’s back, making him cry out. Jason was in a horrified stupor, unable to move because of what he saw. “Who are you?!” Bruce slammed Damian’s face into the ground.

“I do not remember!” He screamed, only getting shoved into the concrete once more. “It seems that I am Damian Wayne!” He hissed when Bruce brutally tugged at the short hair, yanking his face away from the concrete. His neck was painfully throbbing and he couldn’t feel his face at all. It hurt.

“You are not him! My son is dead,” Bruce growled smashing him into the ground once more. Blood colored the ground and Damian felt dizzy. His head ached and the blood made his hair stick to his skin. Tim ran towards Bruce, crashing into him in order to get him away from Damian. The youngest of them all was laying limp against the ground, breathing heavily. Tim fell to his knees beside him.

“Damian, oh god… Dami─ please, stay awake!” He pulled him up in his arms holding him steady. “Look at me okay? Just─ I can’t lose you again, please look at me!” There was clear desperation in his voice. Damian reached up, his hands trembling as he brushed Tim’s cheek.

“Pretty bird, it’s okay.” The blood was a constant flow from the wound on his head, his nose was most likely broken. He wasn’t sure because he didn’t feel it. His lips were bloody and split. A moderate concussion was in the works as well.

“Red Robin, get away from him,” Bruce yelled getting up from the ground. But Tim didn’t move, instead held Damian even more protectively, leaning the younger man’s head against his neck as to shield his face from Bruce’s hands even more. “This is an order! Let him go!”

“You know what? Fuck you!” Tim glared, wanting to intimidate Bruce. “This is your son, Damian! He’s got the scars to prove it and if you’re not convinced then do a fucking DNA test!” He looked down at the unconscious young man. “His blood is on your hands already.” His voice was as cold as ice, a big contrast to the warm blood soaking his uniform. Bruce was silent, still. There was blood on his gloves and he spilled it. “We’re going to get him to the cave. He needs Alfred’s help!” Tim growled and pushed the button on his utility belt to call the batmobile. He picked up Damian, the man limp in his arms. Then he made his way towards the ground over the fire escape of the building. He could already hear the batmobile roar. Jason was following him down, all leaving Bruce to himself on that roof.

 *

Tim sat at the batcomputer, coffee in his hands and in civilian clothing. Sweatpants and a hoodie, in his lap was the freshly washed hood from the cat. Alfred had patched him up, told Tim that he was malnourished and had a concussion along with some internal bleeding from broken ribs. All in all he was in a bad shape but Alfred was able to stabilize him. He would be okay. In a few days.

“Master Timothy,” Alfred began, “I do have to apologize for the things I said. I didn’t believe you but… you were right. This is Master Damian. We have the DNA proof of his blood.” Tim smiled softly.

“It’s okay Alfred. No one believed me, so it’s okay. Now we know he is Damian, we can work on everything now,” Tim replied, taking a sip of his coffee, the liquid warming him from the inside. The cave was rather chilly and if their luck dropped it would snow soon, making patrols dangerous.

“But I do still owe you an apology. Master Bruce does too. He owes an apology to you and Master Damian when he’s awake again.” Alfred smiled. “Now if you will, please return upstairs to the manor.”

“No. I’m sorry Alfred, but I can’t leave Damian alone down here. He will be confused and scared as to where he is, so I will stay here in case he wakes up.” The butler looked thoughtful. It did make sense, but he’d rather have Tim sleeping.

“Do not overdo it, Master Timothy. You need your sleep as well.” With these words he returned to the manor, leaving Tim alone in the cave with his coffee. Silence spread, there was only the occasional rustle of the bats in the upper parts of the cave. He relished the silence, taking a few sips before deciding to down his coffee entirely. He got up from his seat and walked over to the medbay. Slowly he looked inside, saw Damian laying there hooked up on an IV and a few monitors. He was bandaged up and it hurt Tim to see him like this. Bruised and broken. Something the proud Damian had never been.

“Why did you jump into the fight?” Tim questioned softly, brushing the younger man’s hair back, petting his head with a tender touch. “It’s all my fault…” He bit his lip, pulling his hand back from Damian’s head and resting it at his side. What was he even doing? And why was he being so affectionate towards Damian? They were brothers. The word left a foul taste in his mouth. They weren’t brothers. At least not like this. They grew up together, yes, but they were never brothers. At first they hated each other and after a few years it calmed down. They could get along. Damian mostly stared at Tim. Watching whenever he thought Tim wasn’t looking, when he didn’t notice. But Tim always knew. Dick once said that Damian was growing into the age where he noticed the people around him more; namely puberty. Though it had never made any sense to Tim why Damian kept staring at him. That was until after he “died” and he looked at the sketchbook. All the drawings of him and outside as Red Robin. Damian had a crush. And Tim never knew.

 *

Damian opened his eyes, bright lights blinding him. Where was he? Panic surged through him, ice cold anxiety grabbing his lungs and making it hard to breathe. Too many tubes attached, medical bed. Was he back at that place!? What was that place exactly. He didn’t remember. He just knew there was a sense of familiarity. Something bad about it.

“Hey, hey calm down,” A calming voice ordered, making Damian look up. The light was blinding him still, but he could make out a distinct shape of a person. Someone he knew. “It’s okay Dami, I’m here.” A hand brushed his hair back and the person leaned down to kiss his forehead. He didn’t want the person to lose contact.

“P-pretty bird,” he breathed, unable to fully stabilize his breathing.

“It’s okay, I got you. You’re safe.” Damian grabbed at his hand, and Tim understood, holding it tightly. “What happened, what did you remember?” He kept his voice light, still bent over him, gently kissing his forehead.

“Tubes. So many tubes and people─ They were- are experimenting on me,” Damian rasped, “I am not safe oh god what are they doing?!” The panic resurfaced but Tim kept a firm grip on his hand.

“Damian, I need you to listen to my voice.” He ordered, worry almost seeping through. He needed to keep calm. Keep cool and talk him through. “You’re not with them. You’re here with me, at Wayne Manor. Our home. No one will harm you, I won’t let them. It’s safe here, Damian.” Tim continued to tell him various reasons he was safe. Minutes passed until Damian’s breathing returned to almost normal. Save for the hitch in his breath. The small sobs that broke through. The older of the two kept running his hand through his hair, whispering small words of comfort.

“I… I’m sorry, pretty bird,” Damian muttered, choking back his tears with little effect, “I do no mean to be such a burden─”

“Stop right there. You’re not a burden okay?” Tim interrupted, looking at him with a stern gaze. The younger man’s eyes were red and slightly swollen from crying. “You went through so much and no one comes back okay from anything. At least not in our line of work.” His eyes softened and he pecked Damian on the lips. “You’re not deadweight.”

“That is true, Master Damian. We are all glad to have you back here with us. Master Bruce might need some adjustment, but he will come around sooner or later,” Alfred entered the room and Tim stepped away from Damian a little, still holding his hand. “I have prepared a meal for you two and I wish for you to not object to it.” He unhooked the various machines and IV connected to Damian then waited for him to get up. He stood up, wobbly and unsteady. But Tim held onto him, kept him steady. They followed Alfred out of the med bay through the cave, feeling Bruce’s observant gaze on their backs. Damian pressed closer to Tim, feeling Bruce’s look bore through him. The elevator led them up to the manor where they followed Alfred down many different hallways. Tim rubbed Damian’s arms when he felt the younger man shiver in discomfort. Damian purred in appreciation, leaning down to nuzzle Tim’s hair. Alfred led them into the dining room, where they took a seat, Damian sitting close beside Tim, keeping contact.

“You don’t need to feel threatened here, Dami. The manor is safe.” Tim reached up and traded his hand through Damian’s short hair with soothing motions. The tension and anxiety almost bled out of him and he relaxed a little.

“I only feel safe around you, pretty bird,” he muttered, still loving the affection he got from Tim. “You are the only person I would give my life for. Because you proved yourself trustworthy to me. I… have never felt quite as safe around someone as I have with you. And I will cherish the time we spend together. You are important to me, Tim.” The older of the two didn’t know how to properly respond. So he just leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Damian’s cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling back.

“You’re important to me too, Damian,” he replied softly, his smile brimming with affection. Soon after Alfred came back with a try of food, serving to the two. Throughout the meal there was silence.

 *

Later on they went up to Damian’s former room. Only there did the younger man venture from his side, to look around and look through the things inside the room. The sketchbooks proved interesting as he felt a wave of nostalgia wash over him. Those drawings were familiar. The writing on theh back was his, he just knew. He turned around to ask Tim something when he saw him about to leave. Without even thinking much about it, he dropped the sketchbooks and glued himself to Tim’s side once again.

“Damian what─”

“You were leaving… Don’t… Don’t leave me alone.” Damian whispered, reaching out to take Tim’s hand. The older man sighed.

“I was just going for a shower. I won’t be gone for long.” Something in Damian’s demeanor changed. There was a wicked look in his eyes as he smiled.

“We could shower together,” he purred, leaning closer to Tim with a smile, “I’d love to get my hands on you. And I would show you a good time.” His hand tilted Tim’s chin up a bit so he could directly look into his eyes. “I bet you would love to have me on my knees, or am I mistaken?” Before Tim could even remotely say no he nodded, too enticed by Damian’s charm. “Oh pretty bird, I would do everything for you.” He leaned down and kissed him in a way that had Tim’s head spinning. What did he just agree to? Sometimes he seriously debated if his brain didn’t short-circuit at points where he should be thinking about consequences. Damian’s gaze was intense as he pulled back and looked at Tim, who was blushing a little. But Damian noticed the subtle change in Tim’s behavior, the way he began to grin.

“Come on then. I hope you can hold what you promise,” he smiled, a certain coldness to his smile, as he leaned up to whisper into Damian’s ear. “If not I can always make you beg.” It was a bad idea to challenge him. A shiver ran down Damian’s spine and he never felt more eager to get a shower. He followed Tim down the hall to a different room, Tim’s room. Without any further words they entered the room, Damian immediately steering for the bathroom. He was actually glad he could take the time to shower, among other things. And if he was with Tim no one would look for him, he noticed. It was as if his pretty bird was a safe bubble. A safe space for him to be. It made his heart flutter strangely. He turned to look at Tim, his eyes soft. But he frowned when he noticed Tim’s focused stare.

“Is everything alright pretty bird?” Damian asked when Tim stepped closer.

“I was just… wondering why you wear this bandage?” Tim pointed to his neck and Damian stiffened at that. The older of the two noticed and quickly backtracked. “You don’t have to answer this! I didn’t mean to pry, I’m sorry.”

“No─ No it’s fine pretty bird.” With a bit of hesitation Damian reached for his neck and began to undo the bandage. It didn’t feel wrong to show Tim, but he never showed it to anyone. The bandage came off easily and Tim’s eyes widened.

“Oh god… Damian your neck─” He reached out, but Damian covered his neck with his hands, embarrassed, ashamed. He didn’t dare to look at Tim in fear of seeing disgust. There was a patch of scarred skin circling around his neck. It looked like it hadn’t healed properly which is why it seemed so much worse than it might have been. The scarred skin was lighter, so one could see it better. “Damian… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Damian shook his head, slowly removing his hands from his neck, letting Tim look at this atrocity once again.

“It is the reason I wear a bandage or a scarf. This scar is disgusting, no one should have to see it,” he explained. Without any words Tim hugged him, kissing him softly before trailing kisses down to his neck. It surprised Damian a little. “Pretty bird, what are you─”

“This scar is not disgusting. It’s a part of you now, and every damn part of you is beautiful,” Tim interrupted, showering his neck with kisses. His hands slid under Damian’s shirt. “Now come on. Let’s get that shower.” Damian didn’t need to be told twice and stripped his shirt off, Tim appreciating the way his muscles moved. It had been no lie; Damian was  _beautiful_ in every sense of the word. The shade of his copper skin, lean build, the way he was just barely Dick’s height. Quietly Tim thanked Talia for her genes. Tim memorized every scar, the ones that had been there before, the ones he didn’t know. The bigger ones, the smaller ones. Every scar. No matter how bad it looked.

“Pretty bird, you are overdressed,” Damian purred, kissing Tim’s cheek. The older of the two smiled, the type of smile making Damian shiver.

“Why don’t you test the waters hm?” He reached up, brushing his hand through Damian’s hair, pulling a bit. “Come on. I’ll follow you in a moment.” The younger male didn’t return anything, slid the glass door open and stepped into the spacious shower. Tim took a deep breath and undressed, following Damian into the shower, but he paused after stepping in.

He had to take a moment to just stare at the younger male. His back was scarred, maybe even more so than Jason’s. The question of what whoever those people were had done to Damian came back to him. If he found them, Tim would make sure each and every single one paid for this. He reached out, tracing his fingers over the scars, down Damian’s spine, before stepping closer and leaning against him, kissing his shoulders.

“It is an awful sight, is it not, pretty bird?” Damian quietly asked, biting his lip. “The worst part is that I do not know how I got them. Or… who did it.”

“And it’s not your fault. You’re still beautiful,” Tim muttered into his skin, his lips never losing contact, “Jason has more scars, it doesn’t make him less attractive either. It’s not the first time that I’ve seen so many scars, so don’t… don’t say that it’s awful. In our line of work, it’s a miracle we’re still alive.” Tim’s arms slipped around Damian’s waist, tracing patterns onto the dark skin. One hand dipped lower, fingers brushing against the younger man’s cock, continuing down to his thighs. Damian’s breath hitched a bit at the contact.

“Pretty bird please─” Damian breathed, interrupting himself with a groan when Tim’s hand lazily stroked his cock.

“Call me by my name,” Tim whispered leaning up to bite at Damian’s neck, which made the younger man gasp. He sucked a purple mark into his already dark skin, soothing the bruise with his tongue.

“T-Tim,” Damian breathed out, trying to steady himself, couldn’t fight the groan when Tim quickened his pace for a moment. The older of the two hummed appreciatively, liking the control he had over Damian. Even if it was for this moment.

“Oh kitten. I know you’re dying to come don’t you? You’ve been wound up ever since I said the word shower.” Damian hung his head, moaning as Tim twisted his hand over the head in just the right way. “Does it feel good?”

“Yes, yes it does.” He responded almost immediately, turning his head to look at Tim over the shoulder. With a grin Tim leaned up, pecking Damian’s lips. The younger man’s pupils were blown wide with desire, he wanted his release, but Tim was still more or less teasing him. “Please, Tim.”

“Please what?” Tim licked the shell of Damian’s ear, biting the lobe softly. “Tell me what you want.” He stroked Damian’s cock, teasing the head by massaging it with the pad of his thumb. Damian shook, letting out an obscene moan.

“I want to come so I can suck you off,” Damian groaned out, making Tim shiver, his cock twitching at the words. Biting his lip, Tim stroked faster.

“I’ll take you up on this, babybat,” Tim smirked, kissing Damian’s shoulder and sucking a bruise into it. He felt Damian tense, then he came with a groan. The water cleaned them, as Tim kept stroking Damian through his orgasm. When he felt too sensitive, he batted Tim’s hand away and turned around, kissing him with a burning passion. Damian nipped at Tim’s lip, pulling it between his teeth, pushing Tim against the tiled wall, kissing him until he was dizzy. It felt so right. Too right. And that scared Tim for a moment. Had he always had an attraction towards Damian?

“You are thinking too much, Tim,” Damian whispered against his lips, “Just enjoy this. Do not think of what could have been or was. Stay in the now, with me.” Those jade eyes were looking at him filled with affection. Something very similar to love and it made Tim’s doubts disappear.

“Yeah, you’re right…” Tim replied with a smile. Damian kissed his nose affectionately, which made Tim chuckle.

“You look much better with a smile, pretty bird.” The younger of the two nuzzled Tim’s neck, seemingly embarrassed, but then sucked a bruise into the pale skin there. Working on a few more before he dropped to his knees his hands sliding along Tim’s thighs to his hips, his thumbs rubbing circles into the scarred skin. Tim exhaled, running his hands through Damian’s hair. The latter pressed open-mouthed kisses to the base of Tim’s already hard cock. Leaning back to drag his tongue along the shaft back to the head.

With a fluid movement he took him in over his tongue, slowly inching down. He was taking his time, didn’t feel the need to rush it, like with his  _clients_. This was different. It was better. The way Tim’s hands were buried in his hair, tugging so slightly with every slide of his mouth. The way Tim had his head thrown back and how he was moaning. To Damian, this was what perfection looked like. He pulled back, sucking at the head before sliding down again, taking him in deeper, which got him another groan from Tim, who now looked at him. Damian looked up at him, he would have smirked if he didn’t have his mouth full. The look on Tim’s face was worth more than he could ever account for. His eyes were half-shut, his mouth falling open and gasping when Damian sucked on the head of his cock. His mouth slid back down, taking Tim a bit deeper.

“Shit you’re really─” Tim broke for a moment when Damian pulled back a little. “─good at this.” Damian would have smiled, but since he had his mouth full he could only hum in appreciation, which made Tim shiver. He could feel the heat coiling in his stomach. “Dami I’m close.” He breathed and Damian quickened the pace at which he was bobbing his head. The younger man sucked on the head one last time and Tim came. He swallowed, licked him through his orgasm before pulling off and licking his lips. He got up again and kissed Tim softly, letting the control slip.

“Was I too much?” Damian asked, when Tim hadn’t said a word, worry seeping through.

“Give me a minute,” he smiled, “Because that was absolutely mind-blowing.” Tim crashed their lips together once again, loving the way it felt so right. To be with Damian, to kiss him. It felt good. It felt like something he craved for a long time.

“We should finish up this shower or else they might come looking for us,” Damian reasoned. The next few minutes both were trying to clean up nicely. Though they might’ve distracted each other quite a few times with kisses and playful nudges.

 *

They were back in Tim’s room, dressed in sweatpants and T-shirts, Damian wearing things Dick had once left in Tim’s room. Tim had bandaged up Damian’s throat, covering the scar because Damian asked him to do it. The pair was laying on the bed just enjoying each other’s presence, Tim massaging Damian’s scalp in order to soothe him a little. He knew the younger male was still uncomfortable being at the manor with people he should but didn’t know.

When the door slammed open Damian jumped and Tim sat up, glaring at whoever was in the doorway, but didn’t get far. In the door, there was Dick. The big brother that ran from Gotham when things got too bad. Stood there, panting as if he had ran to this room and Tim realized that he had. Without any further warning Dick almost threw himself at Damian, who seemed taken aback by the sudden appearance.

“Oh my god, it’s really you little D,” he muttered into Damian’s shoulder, the younger male unable to react correctly. He glanced at Tim for help, who shrugged apologetically. Dick looked up at him again, his eyes a little teary. “Look at how you’ve grown… Three years and you changed so much.”

“Dick he doesn’t remember you,” Tim told him, “He just barely knows his own name.” Dick pulled back letting Damian go, who then immediately scooted back, creating distance to the strange new man. More or less Dick looked hurt by the action, but accepted it nonetheless.

“But how─” Tim shook his head.

“We don’t know. He’s missing those three years he was gone as well.” He paused for a moment, letting the words sink into Dick. “He’s not the same Damian from back then.” Damian reached out and pulled Tim back towards him, not liking the way Dick looked at him.

“Who is this?” Damian asked and Tim felt his tense form from where he was seated between Damian’s legs, leaning back against him.

“This is Richard Grayson the eldest adopted brother,” Tim clarified, rubbing soothing circles into Damian’s thighs. “He is out in the field as Nightwing, but he was Batman for a while and you were his Robin.” Damian’s arms around Tim’s waist tightened a bit. He was clearly feeling uneasy, trying to get comfort from Tim.

“I do not remember.” He leaned down and buried his face in Tim’s hair, not looking at anyone. Dick eyed the two suspiciously.

“What’s going on between you two?” He asked and Tim furrowed his brows. The acrobat scanned them from head to toe, his eyes then fixing on the bruises on Tim’s neck. Something in his mind seemed to click as his eyes widened.

“Are you out of your mind Tim?!” Dick almost yelled, making Tim and Damian flinch. “He’s your  _brother_ and you’re  _sleeping_ with him?!” And Tim now realized what this was about, though he felt angry at the way Dick phrased this accusation. But angrier that Dick was starting with this subject.

“We’re not related, Dick,” he stated, his voice collected but holding a burning anger inside it. He couldn’t get frustrated about this. No matter how much he wanted to. This wasn’t the time and place to get irritated.

“You are adopted so yes you are related!”

“ _We_ were never  _brothers_ , Dick! He tried to kill me multiple times, I’m sorry but that doesn’t count as sibling rivalry.” The frustration still got the better hand of Tim and he clenched his fists.

“You don’t mean that Tim and you know it.” Dick bit his lip. “Stop trying to justify it but you know this is wrong!”

“Says who? The one who runs when things get bad? The one who left Gotham when his brother supposedly died, leaving the rest to deal with everything alone?” Tim didn’t mean to get this awful, but this wasn’t only about Damian. To Tim this was about Dick. Everything was about him, the frustration and the doubts.

“I tried to help, but I’m sorry for thinking about myself for once,” Dick argued, “I tried to get my life back together so I don’t end up brooding like Bruce!”

“Shows how great of a big brother you are. You  _left_ , Dick. Jason and I we’ve been managing Gotham on our own because B decided to shut down on us.” Tim felt the tears well up in his eyes and Damian’s grip tightened, pulling him a bit closer to himself. His pretty bird was all worked up and sad, all because of that strange man. “We were trying to cope with losing Damian, with you walking out on us and B shutting down. Cass came and went, since she has things to do in Hong Kong as well. And a few times Jason was off world with the outlaws leaving me here to defend the city alone.”

“Tim I─”

“Don’t. We both know you’ll do it again in a heartbeat.” Tim looked down in his lap, feeling like a child all over again. Small and helpless. “It’s tiring you know. I gave up a few times but there were people who rescued me.” The numbness was consuming him from the inside. “I didn’t have the energy to do this alone. You weren’t there when I needed you the most. And you’re my brother.”

Dick didn’t say anything, he waited, thinking about what Tim was saying. “You could have called me.” He said in the end when the silence got too much.

“I tried calling you. But you even ignored that,” Tim muttered, curling in on himself. “I’m sorry that you think so little of me now, but I’m not sorry that I finally found something worth holding on for.” Tim looked up at him, vulnerable, sad. Uncertain. “I’m not sorry that I’ve now got Damian back and that he is the only light I can right now see in this god forsaken dark city.” He tried to keep his shaking under control, but Damian still noticed. He was unsure of what to do after hearing those words.

“I’m sorry I left, but I’ve been trying to help myself before I could help you,” Dick muttered, feeling the pang of guilt in his chest.

“Yeah. I’m sorry I can’t believe you.” That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Dick got up and walked out, closing the door behind him. When Tim was sure he was gone, he let go of his composure. Letting the tears run free. He sobbed as Damian turned him around to hold him closer, running his hands through his hair.

“Shh… I am here, pretty bird.” He muttered, trying to calm him. “It’s alright, Tim. I will not leave.” Damian heard the door open again and he clutched Tim tighter, when the figure stopped in the doorway. Bruce. The younger male glared at him, holding the crying Tim as if he was trying to shield him. “Is it fun to eavesdrop?” Damian’s voice was scathing.

“I came to tell Tim that he is to be taken off patrol until he can get a grip again.” Bruce barely looked fazed by the scene in front of him. “He disobeyed direct orders and broke protocol multiple times. When he’s thought about it he can come to me again.” And with those words he left.

“You are a failure as a father figure!” Damian yelled after him, not knowing if the words reached him, but god he hoped so.

 *

Bruce walked down the hallway, followed by Tim’s miserable sobs when he heard Damian yell. Something inside him broke at the words. He still couldn’t believe that this was really Damian, but the DNA tests told him otherwise and yet he still couldn’t accept it. Tim had been right all along and what did he do? He banished him from patrol and broke ties. For god’s sake, he was their father. They were his children. And what did he do? He caused them to worry and to feel left alone.

He failed them.


End file.
